Trumpets are singing.

by on 26/05/08 at 8:46 am

Last week I got news from my dad that my grandfather was in the hospital under intensive care. My dad flew to Los angeles to prepare and sign any documents necessary since he is the only child. He explained to me that there was a very high chance that we would loose him within a week or so and to be prepared for the bad news.

Today I got the bad news. My grandfather passed away this morning at 8am.

He was the last grandparent I had left, and even though I was not able to be there in person this last week, I called my dad everyday just to keep up with the information of his status.

My grandfather was a very difficult man, and even though he lived in west covina, I hardly ever visited him due to always having a bad experience when I would go see him. He was very “old school thinking”, and to him the fact that I am in my 30’s and have not married and had kids, was a huge issue. He never understood my lifestyle, my job situations, or even bothered to call me or be part of my life. When I would see him he would make me feel bad about myself due to my weight, appearance or choices in life.. and even last time I visited him he gave me his usual “bad taste doesn’t have forgiveness from god” quote. Which meant that i should be dating someone that would improve my bloodline and be careful of my choices. He was also in a very dark place when I last saw him, talking about wanting to die and how unhapppy he was without my grandma. In a nutshell, it really was difficult to even be around him, so I had chosen to just avoid him in general.

When I got the news I didn’t really have much emotions about it. I felt bad about the situation but was also relieved my dad was going to be there to take care of things. A few days ago while in bed it hit me.. I was extremely upset and cried for a while. I felt helpless that I was not there and could not do anything about it anyway since he was unconcious most of the time, I felt guilty for not keeping in touch with him when he was alone in a home, and that I didn’t personally say goodbye.

Today I talked to my dad while walking back from an errand and after hanging up I realized I was having a hard time keeping the tears from falling and feeling the loss. I am happy that he is now in a better place and that he passed on peacefully and painlessly after they removed the life support yesturday afternoon. I am sure he is happier to be with my grandma which he missed dearly, and I know my dad feels better that “god remembered him”.

I loved my grandfather, even if he was a hard man to deal with. I am sure he is in a much better place now. Rest in peace abuelito.. you will always remain in my heart.

The picture above was the last time I saw my grandfather.. when I went to visit him with my sister Adriana.

2 Responses to “Trumpets are singing.”

  1. Anthony

    Jun 5th, 2008

    I am very sorry for your loss. I know how hard it must be. I lost my grandfather when I was 16, and I still feel the pain from time to time. He would be sooo in love with his grandchildren if he was still here.

    Take care. It’s good to find you here.

  2. TDK

    Jun 20th, 2008

    Sorry to hear about that. There is nothing wrong with not spending time with people you do not enjoy. It was his choice as much as your own. If he was kind and friendly, you would have been much happier to spend time with him in life. He seemed like an unhappy person in life, so perhaps it’s better that he is no longer dealing with feeling those things.

    Hugs…

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